Retro "Why I DON'T Think I Should Get Out More" Blog

  **This a blog from last year...I was reminded of it this morning**

  We moved out to the boonies when I was going into the 3rd grade. I was just citified enough for my new step brothers to have a great time scaring the beejeezus out of me, but I was also just bratty and spoiled enough to enjoy the hell out of them getting into trouble when I tattled…but something happened over the years as I grew up at the end of that 3 mile dirt driveway. The boys all ended up moving to town, the step brothers with their mom, and my big brother with our father (little bro, you weren't born quite yet), so I sort of grew up as an only child of sorts, riding motorcycles and raising pigs, and as a result have turned out different from any of my siblings. I’m the hillbilly of the family. I like the quiet and solitude of the country. I don’t have much use for the city life. Sure, maybe to visit, or even live for a little while, but I always end up back here in the sticks.

  I, like everyone else, have taken a figurative beating in late 2010 and so far in 0’11. Got my uterus removed, lost my job, had to move, was tragically broke…all at the same time. We got settled into this new place and I’ll be damned if I haven’t turned into a hermit. But so what?? What’s wrong with staying at home? It’s free, for one. You don’t have to get out of your jammies, or listen to anyone’s crap, or get anyone’s cooties on you. I’m good at home.
 
  Well, circumstances brought us to San Francisco the other day. It’s about an hour and half away, so we left early, did what we had to do, then decided to stop by Haight St because we had found some really rad vintage stores on a previous journey (I like to take weekend trips to cities, SF, Reno, stuff like that. Don’t ask me to go camping in the woods, I live there). 
 
  Ever tried to park a full size Chevy in San Francisco? I haven’t, but I must say, BF did a splendid job…but this was after about 20 laps around various blocks. That’s OK, the buildings are hella cool to look at. We don’t have those where I come from. We have redwoods. Anyway…BF was starving, so after we forgot to put $ in the parking meter (we don’t have those where I come from either) we walked down to the McDonald’s. We got our food and went to a table around the corner, in an area of the restaurant that BF referred to as “less crack-like.”
 
  We sat down and started our fine dining experience. Mostly eating, not much talking, we had some ‘sploring to do!!! BF and I both noticed when 2 hobos came in and sat down across from us…about 12 feet, I’d say. No big whoop, when I see a hobo, I don’t immediately think “terrible person.” All I can say in hindsight is “Meetzar, you silly, silly little naive child!!!” But anyway… woman hobo had her arm in a sling, so man hobo had to open her drink for her (they brought their own), then threw the bag on the floor behind him. I thought, “Ass,” and kept on eating until I heard a splash near me, then another. I thought man hobo was throwing the drink across the room and I was about to become seriously pissed that he came so close to getting it on my shoes when I realized 2 things in slow motion: one, it was pink and two, he was barfing across the room. I haven’t seen that since my kiddo was a baby and projectile vomited over my shoulder, across the counter and onto the kitchen floor, but anyway…
 
  REALLY!!?!?! What in the holy horsefeathers are the chances of the one person that everyone says should get off that hill, out of the trees, go see some stuff, enjoy public again (namely, me) getting almost-barfed on the one time all year she left the county??? Do you believe in signs from above? Can you say, “Validation??” I think I’ll stay in the sticks, thanks. The redwoods may be messy, but at least they don’t barf on you!!!