The Story of Why I am so Mean to the Wrong Number Lady

  As I typed that title and hit "enter," my phone started ringing. I thought it was HER. I hate her. She drives me insane. Who is she? She is some stupid lady that is CONVINCED that my phone number belongs to one of her friends. And just in case I am one of her friends pretending that I am not, she calls every couple of weeks. Like I am going to forget her number. Thankfully though, it wasn't her. YAY!!

  It all started about a year ago. I got a call for Nancy. "No, you have the wrong number but have a nice day," I said. So she asked for Yvonne. "No, wrong number." then I hear, "Well, is this Sara?"

  Let me tell you something about me. I am a lot nicer than I lead people to believe. I have a reputation for not taking any shit, but I was ringleader (bartender) at a circus (bar) for what? 13 years? What does one expect, for me to NEVER have had to yell at ANYONE for misbehaving? I WISH!!! ANYway, basically people get 2 freebies. The third time is the charm. So when this woman asked for Sara I hollered in the phone, "You f****** have the f******wrong f****** number!!!" Then I pressed that END button as hard as I could because slamming the phone down to hang it up is no longer an option, which sucks!!!

  So you can probably imagine my surprise when my phone started ringing again. Same number. *Sigh* I answered like a normal person, "Hello?" She started asking me if I was supposed to meet Nancy for lunch. I said, very maturely I think, "I DON'T EAT LUNCH, STOP F****** CALLING ME, YOU CRAZY OLD WOMAN," and hung up again. Then, a few minutes later, RRRRING!!! Actually my phone plays a song, but you know what I mean...

  That's when normal people would answer, threaten the woman, her children, her pets, everything if she ever calls your number ever again. I didn't do that. I pretty much just repeated the stop calling me mantra and hung up again. PHEW, that seemed to work! Halleloo!!!
 
  Cut to a couple of weeks later, she called again. Once asking for someone, again asking for someone else, then on the third call she didn't have a chance to say anything because someone (me) was yelling in her ear to get my number out of her phone.
 
  This happened every few weeks. BF knew about it, and the Kiddo knew about it too, because Wrong Number Lady had called a few times when they were home and I had to explain why I was hollering into my phone like an angry fool...basically because this was really starting to piss me off!!
 
  I've been sick the past few days, so I was already totally grumped out when my phone rang the other day. I recognized the number and I was ready. I mean really, if you had a phone number in your phone, and every time you called that number you got yelled at, wouldn't you get one of your grandkids to get that number out of your phone for you? Apparantly not. SO, this time she asked for Deb when I said hello. So I told her, "No, I killed Deb, don't call this number," and waited for the second call. "Helloooo?" I said. W.N. Lady asked for Becky this time. I said, "Nope, I killed her too, quit interrupting me while I am trying to dispose of the bodies!!!" And I thought that would be it. NOPE!!! She called again, so as per usual, she got cursed and yelled at. As I said on Facebook, I really wish I wouldn't have done that. I am SO curious as to what in the holy horsefeathers she was thinking when she called back after finding out her two friends got imaginarily killed, and I can barely sleep at night because of it. I also wish I would have offered to remove my phone number from her phone, possibly with my truck. And I ALSO wish I was mean enough to REALLY ask where she lived so I could bang pots and pans together in her front yard at 3am because that is my go-to cure for everything. I have yet to try it, but I am SURE I would teach a bunch of lessons with that method!!
 
  Hopefully this is over. Hopefully she doesn't call me anymore. The funny thing is, I think I just might know who W.N. Lady is (don't ask, I will never ever tell. EVER). The OTHER funny thing is, judging from the names she asked for, I am guessing she was looking for drugs. So if she ever calls me again, I may just give in and sell her some baking soda. Or corn starch. Or sugar. Or flour. Or powdered hazelnut creamer. I'll have to ask, because I don't know what the crap looks like, but I am beginning to think that I am going about this all wrong...